The nonhuman presidential race has turned ugly as lovable monkey, Ms. Pickles, has taken to the airwaves to slam a key opponent.
Witness this recent spot that aired in swing states:
OPEN ON VIDEO OF HUMAN REMAINS FOLLOWING EARTHQUAKES. OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS, A DRAMATIC VOICEOVER IS HEARD.
ANNCR: Why does Big Ol’ Slab o’ Granite want to be president? Could it be it wants to fall on you and your family and crush you all to painful death? Why would Granite want to kill innocent God-loving Americans? The answer is simple.
CUT TO SCENES OF GRAVE MARKERS IN A CEMETERY.
Granite is used to make grave markers.
CUT TO SCENE OF CRYING LITTLE BOY AND GIRL AT A GRAVE MARKER. FREEZE FRAME ON THEIR TEARY FACES.
Don’t let Big Ol’ Slab o’ Granite know your name. Vote for life. Vote for Ms. Pickles.
CUT TO VIDEO OF MS. PICKLES WEARING A PINK BOW ON HER HEAD. SHE SQUAWKS.
SUPER: “I’m Ms. Pickles and I approved this ad.”
FADE TO BLACK.
Pundits wonder if this hard hitting commercial may give Big Ol’ Slab o’ Granite motivation to finally withdraw from the race.