Humor

Cool Dude Considering Buying Hat

 Some people have to work to appear “with it.” Others are just “IT!!!” Take Chet “Two Tongs” Stewpot (his born name: John Brown). This cool cat daddy-o has always been the epitome of hip, on the leading edge of fashion and blazing style trails through the thick forest of conformity. Now he’s considering making an …

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Humor

A 2015 Conversation With Don Draper

 “Mad Men” has officially retired, but its star, Don Draper (AKA “Tricky Dickie Whitman”) is still alive and well. The suits he wears these days are sweatsuits, but he still cuts a handsome, if wrinkled figure in his walker outfitted with Penn tennis balls on the feet. The Lint Screen recently pulled up a barstool …

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Humor

Fertilizer For Ivy Leaguers

 The following is my commencement address to the Princeton University Class of 2015. Good afternoon. Sit, please. Enough applause already, please sit. Thanks. That was a lovely rendition of “Pomp & Circumference”–– let’s it hear it for the PU band! You guys rock. As I look out on all those fancy robes, colorful sashes, Mortar …

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Humor

An Open Letter To End “Fight of The Century”

 The Lint Screen has learned that Floyd Mayweather, Jr. is scheduled to fight Manny Pacquiao tomorrow in what many are calling “The Fight of The Century”–– and we are worried sick. In the interest of humanity, TLS is offering $10 (an Abe per-man) if they lay down their gloves and shake hands. We believe there …

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