Humor

Dominos Offering “Rodent Pizza”

  Dominos, the company that made a name for itself in tiled games and pizza, is planning to capitalize on a recent YouTube video of a New York City rat carrying a slice down the subway stairs to catch his train. “Obviously there’s an untapped market out there,” said Phillip Mainstrom, Sr. V.P. of Strategy …

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Ahmed Hired To Build New Apple Watch

 Apple leader Tim Cook is one smart cookie. The tech powerhouse kingpin told The Lint Screen he’s hired Irving, Texas troublemaker Ahmed Mohamed, the Muslim teen suspended from school and arrested earlier this week for bringing to school a homemade clock he built. “The kid’s obviously smart,” said Cook, as he gave himself a prison …

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Humor

DraftKing Winner Gets Bupkis

 Poor Evan Swartzky. He thought he won a cool million Simoleons with his fantasy football picks made on DraftKings, the online gambling service for the gullible. Instead, he won a place in the Fool’s Hall of Shame. “I was so excited when they told me I won,” the bearded goofball told The Lint Screen. “They …

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Humor

G.I. Joe w/ Kung-Fu Grip Announces Retirement

 Since 1974, one brave soldier has given his all, but now G.I. Joe with Kung-Fu Grip has decided to trade in his camo for sweats and a “World’s Greatest Grampa” tee-shirt. “I’ve had a good career,” said a visibly shaken Mr. Joe, “but most Americans didn’t even I know I was still fighting. I was …

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Humor

Obama To Rename More U.S. Landmarks

 President Barack Obama is on a roll. After announcing his plan to change the name of Alaska’s Mt. McKinley to Mt. Denali, The Lint Screen has learned he has other name changes he’ll soon put in place. The Washington Monument will soon be renamed Pointy Cement Skyscraper. The Statue of Liberty will carry the moniker …

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