Humor

U.K. Announces Earexit; Plan To Leave Earth

 First, the British people voted to leave the European Union, and now they’re upping the ante higher–– by leaving planet Earth (“Earexit”)! The Lint Screen has learned that there is a movement underway for the United Kingdom to give the whole damn planet the ol’ high hat. Financial markets worldwide are shaken by this second …

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Humor

Congress Passes “Thoughts And Prayers” Bill

After four gun control bills were voted down in the Senate and House, lawmakers took decisive action and passed bold legislation that will make post-gun-massacres easier to handle.

The “Thoughts And Prayers” bill will automatically trigger condolences from Senators and Representatives immediately following any major gun incident.

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Humor

Bartender Claims To Have “Seen It All”

 Some people (like this reporter) have to find stories, and some people have stories come to them. Put Duke McSlurpeedoo into that latter camp. The free-pouring Boston bartender says that in his 41-year career of serving libations, he’s “heard it all and seen it all–– swear to Pete!” This reporter perched on his stool, finished …

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Humor

Shakespearean School Commencement Address

 Recently, I had the distinct honor and privilege of being asked to give the commencement address to graduates of the prestigious Ye Olde University of Shakespearean Thespian Talents. Located in Stratford-upon-Avon-Lady, England, this establishment is renowned worldwide for training the finest Shakespearean actors in the biz, many of whom go on to careers in fetching …

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