Humor

2016 Files For An Extension; World Outraged

Talk about overstaying your welcome–– the year 2016 has officially filed with the universe for an extension. The formal request states that 2016 would serve all of 2017’s term, then retire to allow 2018 to serve.

“If the extension is granted,” said a universe representative, “it would be unprecedented. The only other known request was made by the year 1347 on the grounds that it was on roll with its deadly bubonic plague, having killed a third of the world’s population and wishing to finish the job. The request was denied and 1348 was granted a year of life.”

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Humor

Santa Claus Not Coming To Town

“Look,” the overweight man stuffed in his red felt casing told The Lint Screen, “I’ve been doing this Christmas delivery gig every year for ages. Enough already! I’m an old man, for chrissakes, I should be enjoying retirement not schlepping all over Earth, squeezing down chimneys and eating tasteless, stale cookies and warm milk. What’s in it for me? A whole lot of nothing!”

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Humor

Student Crushed By Evil Professor

The incident that traumatized the 21-year-old Junior majoring in “Rational Reasoning In Children’s Literature” occurred on November 28 in her “Philosophical Comprehension Of Main Character Motivations And Psychological Underpinnings II” class taught by Dr. Felinbrowe. The tenured professor recounts what happened.

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